5:38 PM

Complaining About Stuff: Suicide Girls "Burlesque" Show

Disclaimer: My experience with the Suicide Girls is solely in the form of screensavers on my husband's computer but they refresh every hour so I feel like I have a pretty good handle on what they're all about. Edgy. Tattoos. Creative photo shoots. Nerdy stuff. Real women. Real bodies. Alternative Pinups. 

At least that was my impression before attending their "burlesque" show in Seattle at El Corazon recently. And yes, I meant to put burlesque in double quotes. They should have too.

First, let me tell you the things I liked about the show: 


There. With that out of the way, let's get to my complaints.

1. The tickets were $20 each with a $7.50 convenience fee. Fuck convenience fees. That's almost 50% of the ticket price. Stupid.

2. The tickets said the doors opened at 8pm and the show started at 8:15. I guess if you count the fact that there was a DJ on stage from 8:15 - 9:15 you could argue that it did start on time. If you don't count the DJ, then the show started at least an hour late. I don't know if you can tell, but I don't count the DJ.

3. The venue. El Corazon is quite possibly the worst place to see a burlesque show. There are two levels so only the people in the very front of each level could see anything on the stage. People were literally yelling, "We can't see anything!" for the first part of the show until they gave up and left. It was packed shoulder to shoulder until intermission. Then, suddenly it was super easy to walk around.

4. I won't even comment on the fake British accents. Or the fact that they made fun of traditional burlesque at the opening of the show. All I could see from my vantage point was a lady stumbling around the stage pretending that she had feathers from a boa stuck in her mouth. Yeah. That's what real burlesque is like. Sure...

5. I will comment on the 10 minute long social networking commercial the host did. She named off all of their social networks and asked everyone where they heard about the show. This isn't the time or place for market research. Ask people those questions on the form when they buy their tickets. We've already been waiting over an hour for the show. C'mon.

They also encouraged everyone to take pictures and tape the whole show to post online. This proved to be a good thing only because watching the show through the iPhones people were holding up was the only way to see anything on the stage.  

6. Their version of "burlesque" involved jumping around the stage in unison. No tease. No story. Basically just stripping but with tape over their nipples.

Honestly, they seemed confused about the concept in general as most of the acts started off with a woman or a group of women coming on stage in their underpants. Don't you have to take something off? No? You'll just start that way? Okay. I guess. If that's easier. 

The show was billed as "nerdy" and they say in the advertising that the acts will poke fun at nerdy things like: Game of Thrones, Dr. Who, Kill Bill & Planet of the Apes.

I've seen several of Jo Jo Stiletto's shows including: Whedonesque Burlesque & The Burl-X-Files. I was expecting at least that level of performance -- but with the production value of a wealthy company that can afford to buy awesome props.

I guess they did wear ape heads for the Planet of the Apes number. And one of them did rub real cake on her tits during the Portal number. Maybe there were some really awesome things in the second half of the show. I wouldn't know. I left.

The acts that did verge on nerdy themes didn't involve any creativity. They just bounced up and down to a song that related to whatever nerdy thing they were pretending to be into.

7. I'm not sure if they had any tattoos. I couldn't see. But several people around me commented on the lack of tattoos. That's pretty much their trademark and what people have come to associate with their brand. Why no tattoos? My guess: Those girls are too cool to want to participate in this cash grab of a show. 

8. The host interviewed different people involved with the show between the acts. Well, by interviewed, I mean that they brought the merch person on stage to talk about all the stuff you could buy. And then another girl - who I think was one of the dancers - who didn't even talk into the microphone. Thrilling.

9. One of the women licked the pole on stage. At El Corazon. Licked it. I hope she's okay. 

10. There was a couple - both wearing backpacks standing right in front of me. One of them was a woman who had obviously taken way too many drugs and was just randomly punching in the air -- or the people around her. Granted, Suicide Girls had nothing to do with her being there -- but since I'm complaining I'm not going to let her slide. At least take off your backpack. Right?

That's my review on the Suicide Girls Blackheart Burlesque show. Knowing what I know now - there's no way in hell I would have bought tickets. And honestly, I've lost respect for a brand that I previously thought was empowering. In short: Hated it.