5:38 PM

Complaining About Stuff: Suicide Girls "Burlesque" Show

Disclaimer: My experience with the Suicide Girls is solely in the form of screensavers on my husband's computer but they refresh every hour so I feel like I have a pretty good handle on what they're all about. Edgy. Tattoos. Creative photo shoots. Nerdy stuff. Real women. Real bodies. Alternative Pinups. 

At least that was my impression before attending their "burlesque" show in Seattle at El Corazon recently. And yes, I meant to put burlesque in double quotes. They should have too.

First, let me tell you the things I liked about the show: 


There. With that out of the way, let's get to my complaints.

1. The tickets were $20 each with a $7.50 convenience fee. Fuck convenience fees. That's almost 50% of the ticket price. Stupid.

2. The tickets said the doors opened at 8pm and the show started at 8:15. I guess if you count the fact that there was a DJ on stage from 8:15 - 9:15 you could argue that it did start on time. If you don't count the DJ, then the show started at least an hour late. I don't know if you can tell, but I don't count the DJ.

3. The venue. El Corazon is quite possibly the worst place to see a burlesque show. There are two levels so only the people in the very front of each level could see anything on the stage. People were literally yelling, "We can't see anything!" for the first part of the show until they gave up and left. It was packed shoulder to shoulder until intermission. Then, suddenly it was super easy to walk around.

4. I won't even comment on the fake British accents. Or the fact that they made fun of traditional burlesque at the opening of the show. All I could see from my vantage point was a lady stumbling around the stage pretending that she had feathers from a boa stuck in her mouth. Yeah. That's what real burlesque is like. Sure...

5. I will comment on the 10 minute long social networking commercial the host did. She named off all of their social networks and asked everyone where they heard about the show. This isn't the time or place for market research. Ask people those questions on the form when they buy their tickets. We've already been waiting over an hour for the show. C'mon.

They also encouraged everyone to take pictures and tape the whole show to post online. This proved to be a good thing only because watching the show through the iPhones people were holding up was the only way to see anything on the stage.  

6. Their version of "burlesque" involved jumping around the stage in unison. No tease. No story. Basically just stripping but with tape over their nipples.

Honestly, they seemed confused about the concept in general as most of the acts started off with a woman or a group of women coming on stage in their underpants. Don't you have to take something off? No? You'll just start that way? Okay. I guess. If that's easier. 

The show was billed as "nerdy" and they say in the advertising that the acts will poke fun at nerdy things like: Game of Thrones, Dr. Who, Kill Bill & Planet of the Apes.

I've seen several of Jo Jo Stiletto's shows including: Whedonesque Burlesque & The Burl-X-Files. I was expecting at least that level of performance -- but with the production value of a wealthy company that can afford to buy awesome props.

I guess they did wear ape heads for the Planet of the Apes number. And one of them did rub real cake on her tits during the Portal number. Maybe there were some really awesome things in the second half of the show. I wouldn't know. I left.

The acts that did verge on nerdy themes didn't involve any creativity. They just bounced up and down to a song that related to whatever nerdy thing they were pretending to be into.

7. I'm not sure if they had any tattoos. I couldn't see. But several people around me commented on the lack of tattoos. That's pretty much their trademark and what people have come to associate with their brand. Why no tattoos? My guess: Those girls are too cool to want to participate in this cash grab of a show. 

8. The host interviewed different people involved with the show between the acts. Well, by interviewed, I mean that they brought the merch person on stage to talk about all the stuff you could buy. And then another girl - who I think was one of the dancers - who didn't even talk into the microphone. Thrilling.

9. One of the women licked the pole on stage. At El Corazon. Licked it. I hope she's okay. 

10. There was a couple - both wearing backpacks standing right in front of me. One of them was a woman who had obviously taken way too many drugs and was just randomly punching in the air -- or the people around her. Granted, Suicide Girls had nothing to do with her being there -- but since I'm complaining I'm not going to let her slide. At least take off your backpack. Right?

That's my review on the Suicide Girls Blackheart Burlesque show. Knowing what I know now - there's no way in hell I would have bought tickets. And honestly, I've lost respect for a brand that I previously thought was empowering. In short: Hated it. 
1:37 PM

What I'm Reading: Grow Your Handmade Business

Kari Chapin and I have been pen pals for years. I don't really remember how it began. I constantly try to pressure almost everyone I meet into sending me things in the mail so I imagine I was the one to propose the pen pal relationship scenario. I love mail.

Kari is extremely funny and also a best selling author. Her book, The Handmade Marketplace, is considered the indie craft business bible for people starting out on their journey. I'm a little behind the times and am just getting around to reading her second book: Grow Your Handmade Business now. I bought a copy at the last Urban Craft Uprising show.

The best part about buying a book directly from the author is that you can make them uncomfortable by asking them to write crazy things in your book. It's one of my favorite things ever. 

Kari also had these cute notepads at the event and I scored one. I've been writing messages to myself on it ever since. 

What I've learned: I do nothing quickly but I would like to do a lot of things. Or rather - I would like to have a lot of things done. Not by me. Maybe by a nice fairy or something. Someone else. Someone good at stuff who is also really focused.

In conclusion, I'm reading a book. 
The end.
5:29 PM

I am Obsessed with Embroidery

I am. It's true. I embroider while I watch movies. I embroider in the car. I embroider while I work at the store. I love to embroider. Every pillow case in our house is covered with embroidery. Sometimes I use a pattern and other times I just doodle. I love it. I'm obsessed.

So I was touched when Urban Craft Uprising asked me to do an embroidery demo at the most recent show. I decided to do a very low stress demo that would get people started on a project in an hour -- and give them all the supplies they would need to finish it off at home. I called it : Beginning Embroidery for the Timid and Fearful. Everyone who attended got a second-hand pillowcase with a Sublime Stitching pattern already ironed on, a hoop, a needle and some floss. I used pillowcases so that it wouldn't matter what the back of the project looked like when they were done.

I'll be teaching another class shortly at my shop in the Pike Place Market, Ugly Baby and La Ru. We also carry Sublime Stitching embroidery supplies at the shop. If you're obsessed -- come visit.

Enjoy some photos of my recent converts: 

2:57 PM

2013 Etsy Craft Party - Seattle Edition

Co-conspirators in the Etsy Craft Party, Seattle Edition - in front of Pike Place MarketEtsy Craft Party at the pig in Pike Place MarketEtsy Craft Party 2013 - Seattle EditionUgly Baby and La Ru Sandwich BoardExterior: Ugly Baby and La Ru.Gearing Up for Etsy Craft Party 2013 - Seattle Edition
Ugly Baby and La Ru RobotChalkboard sign outside of Ugly Baby and La RuEtsy Craft Party Signage: Partners and SponsorsLa Ru Bunny in the window of Ugly Baby and La RuHUGE Giveaway bags at the Etsy Craft Party, Seattle EditionBe sure to tag stuff! Etsy Craft Party, Seattle edition
La Ru Characters at Ugly Baby and La RuLa Ru Characters at Ugly Baby and La RuLa Ru Characters at Ugly Baby and La RuEtsy Craft Party, Seattle Edition - AttendeesEtsyRAIN Crafting Tent: Etsy Craft Party, Seattle Edition - 2013EtsyRAIN Crafting Tent: Etsy Craft Party, Seattle Edition - 2013
Etsy Craft Party, Seattle Edition. Chalkboard magicEtsy Craft Party, Seattle Edition - Chalkboard MagicEtsy Craft Party, Seattle Edition - Chalkboard MagicEtsy Craft Party, Seattle Edition - Chalkboard MagicEtsy Craft Party 2013 - Seattle Edition - Chalkboard MagicEtsy Craft Party 2013 - Seattle Edition - Chalkboard magic

Take a look through the photos from the Etsy Craft Party 2013 - Seattle Edition. We hosted the event at Ugly Baby and La Ru with the help of EtsyRAIN, Unanimous Craft and School House Craft.

Of course, it rained on the day we planned a big community sidewalk chalk art project - but that's okay. We made the best of it. Seattle-ites aren't UN-used to rain so no one seemed to mind. Plus, the chalk clean-up was a piece of cake!


6:10 PM

Etsy Craft Party 2013 - Seattle Edition

We are thrilled to be hosting one of the many Etsy Craft Parties to celebrate Etsy's birthday on June 20, 2013. We are partnering with several local crafty groups: EtsyRAIN, Unanimous Craft and School House Craft. Ugly Baby and La Ru, our new shop in the Pike Place Market will be home base. From there, people can use some of the 500 PIECES OF SIDEWALK CHALK to chalk the sidewalk up and down Western Ave. Hot damn!

EtsyRAIN, one of our co-producers, will be setting up a tent where people can decorate tiny chalkboards, write a message on them and then hide them in the downtown area. It's fun to make a little magic appear in people's lives and we think teeny chalkboards will do just that.

Get all the details and RSVP here.

You're super great and I hope you can join us. It'll be super fun and stuff.
12:15 PM

I Don't Feel So Good

I don't. 
It's true.
My throat is all swollen and I feel weak and terrible.

It's not being sick and feeling bad that gets me down though. When I'm sick, all I can think about are all the things I need to get done and how much time I'm wasting by not having any energy. You'd think that would inspire me to take better care of myself... but it doesn't. 

Basically, I'm an idiot.

I should buy this tonsil print on Etsy to remind me to drink more water and be a good person and stuff. Do you think it would work? 

How long, after purchasing this print, do you think it would take me to frame it and hang it up on the wall? I'm guessing 18 months. Anyone care to make a wager? 

5:23 PM

Pretty Kitties in Portland for Crafty Wonderland

If Portland wasn't amazing enough as a relaxing, weird destination, we also get to bask in the wonder-ness that is Crafty Wonderland. This Saturday. We'll be slinging Shower Art. We'll be buying socks. We'll be making pancakes in the shape of butts. This weekend. Portland. Prepare yourselves. 

11:41 PM

Mimi Kirchner's Tattooed Gentleman Make Me Sweat

Mimi Kirchner's Tattooed Gentlemen make me sweat. Every single time I see them, I fall deeper and deeper in love. One day, I will own one of these fantastic works of art.

Until then, enjoy some photos from her Etsy shop and drool along with me.