Missing Arrested Development

I'm watching Arrested Development for the third time. My memory is so bad that I only retain the funny for a few weeks after watching and then I start missing references that our Bridge partners and my LA friend make. So I begin again.

I think this might be the best part about having a bad memory. That show is so great and it got cancelled way too soon. But with a bad memory -- every time I watch it is like the very first time. In a way -- I'm blessed.

It always amazes me when people say they haven't seen this show. It is -- by far -- the funniest thing ever put on television. Ever. So watch it now. And watch it in a row. It's way funnier if you can remember enough to understand the callbacks (always a challenge for me).

You may think I am cruel for introducing you to something so special and fantastic when you know that it has already been cancelled. I know. But try to pretend you're European -- they try to end shows while they are still popular -- granted, they also sometimes wear fanny packs but so does my mom. And she's alright.

Take heart though, the movie is in the works.

bARTer Sauce: High Tech Ass

This awesome Cyber-donkey is up for trade in my bARTer Sauce project. If you've ever wanted a toy donkey that had a bunch of buzzers and lights attached to him, and then got broken -- this is for you.

Read more about the story behind Cyber-Donk.

bARTer Sauce is an experiment in trading for art and odd objects. Whatever I get, I trade for something else and everyone I trade with has to tell me a story. I document it all on my website: bARTerSauce.com

Newest bARTer Sauce Trade

Totally innocent seeming armless - but otherwise shockingly anatomically correct - bunny rabbit.

See how cute he looks.... And then you realize, "huh -- he's armless."

And then there's this.

Read the story that came with the weird bunny.

What's bARTer Sauce? Seriously? Ummmmmmmmm...yeah. Try Google. I'm not here to answer all of life's little questions for you. Put forth some effort.

bARTer Sauce: Nik Trades me Mosaic Clown Painting and Lost Cock

Nik trades with bARTer Sauce a lot. A LOT. All the time. He trades with me so much that I am really far behind in updating the website with all his trade offers. He trades with me so much that I have officially BANNED him from the site until September 1, 2009. He is not allowed to make any trade offers, no matter what kind of awesome stuff I get between now and then.

How's that for punishing someone who likes your project and participates fully and often.

Yeah, that's how I am.

Ridiculous.

Here's what Nik traded me last time. First, I got this Undead Mosaic Clown Painting. I love it.

It's so very undead and pointy. Plus, red and light blue are really hot colors this season. I'm sure that's what Nik had in mind when he painted it. Fashion. Yeah.

Then he also traded me the Lost Cock which is a technicolor rooster that he promised to trade me long ago but then couldn't find and now found again.

Read more about our trade and find out what Nik got in return.

Make me an offer for the Undead Mosiac Clown Painting

Make me an offer for the Lost Cock

What's bARTer Sauce? Seriously? Ummmmmmmmm...yeah. Try Google. I'm not here to answer all of life's little questions for you. Put forth some effort.

New Shower Arts...

Some new Shower Arts in all their glory:

My New Favorite Shower Art

Ray Guns in My Future

bARTer Sauce just traded for a Blueray Gun. It's ceramic. And blue. And super awesome.

I had to give up my Gumball Machine-shaped Kitty Cat Feeder in exchange, but I still think it was worth it.

Are you wondering what the hell I'm talking about? Then you probably don't know what bARTer Sauce is. And that's too bad because I'm not going to tell you either. Google it. You know how.

bARTer Sauce EXPLODED

For some reason there has been a renewed interest in bARTer Sauce, my experiment in trading for art and odd objects. The idea is that whatever I get, I trade for something else. And everyone I trade with has to tell me a story. This past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of trades and trade offers. Ba-zang!

Here's what I got from Will recently (click on the links to read the stories that came with each item): 

A Russian book (Will got Wedding of the No Face Couple in Exchange)

A French Telephone (Will got Terror for Terror in exchange)

This Weird Orange Cross with stuff smooshed into it all over (Will got the Stuffed Dooky Kiss in trade). This cross also came with a somewhat heart-wrenching story about a man named Phil who advertises his "skills" on matchbooks. 

And finally, the pride of pack 314: A trophy shaped like a totem pole commemorating the 1979 Cake Bake. Woot! (Will received a slightly broken Hugs for Jesus statue in exchange)

I'm afraid I had to make an example of Will. You see, many times people I'm trading with send along "extras" with their trades. Things that are odd, yes, but that now I have to deal with. You see, part of the idea behind bARTer Sauce is that I trade for odd things -- BUT THEN I TRADE THEM AWAY -- to other people. For them to enjoy (translation= "deal with"). 

Will was no exception. In fact, the trophy and the book were not sanctioned trade items.  So here's what happened (and what will happen in the future to all Sauce traders who send me "extras"): I "punished" Will by sending him one bARTer Sauce item (of my choice) for each "extra" he sent me. At first Will did not understand this punishment and set about trying to tell me what to send. He did not understand at all. 

You see, this was an opportunity for The Sauce. An inventory overhaul opportunity. And I took it. Will received the Hugs for Jesus statue, which, while hilariously named, is not all the wonderful to look at -- now especially since he arrived a bit worse for the travel and was in several pieces. 

Enjoy Will! Enjoy!

Two New bARTer Sauce Trades

Nik, a long-standing member of the bARTer Sauce family traded me this Super Stripey Pig and this Technocolor Chicken for a Box of Regrets and 2 Empire Carpet Man Bobble Head dolls. See. Then, my friends Kristen and Andy came to visit and Kristen traded me this Gumball Kitty Cat Feeder for my Vintage Farting Duck. See. All in all, a good, good, good, phase of bARTer Sauce. Are you wondering what the heck bARTer Sauce is? bARTer Sauce is an experiment in trading for art and odd objects. Whatever I get, I trade for something else. And everyone who trades with me has to tell me a story. I document it all on www.bartersauce.com. Join us. See what I currently have up for trade.

The Art of Comedy -- First Thursday Art Walk in June

The Comedy Underground and Urban Craft Uprising joined forces to bring you The Art of Comedy. This gallery show takes place in the lobby of the world-famous Comedy Underground and features artwork that is either humorous in nature, or made by stand up comedians.

This month we feature the artwork of Jenna Colby.

“Bubbles popping and bare feet.” Ask Washington-state artist Jenna Colby to describe her work, and you don’t just get a string of adjectives; instead, you get a lovely little “word picture” that lets you know just how her art feels.

"Blue Ruin Gallery. Pittsburgh, PA"

View Jenna's work at: http://www.soopajdelux.com/ and soopajdelux.etsy.com

And as always, a barrel-full o the funniest indie crafters this side of the Factoria Mall join us in the lobby of The Comedy Underground to show off their hilarious wares. Support us by supporting them. And they'll support you. Or something. Someone will do something to support someone else. Or everyone will. Or we'll all just have a beer and pay for it ourselves and then go our separate ways. One of those things will happen.

Hilarious Indie Crafters of the Moment: 

Ceramics by Urbana

Decapitated Dollies by Scary White Girl Designs

T's by Midairdesign

Underwear by Shesho Designs

Shower Art by Ugly Baby

Shirts, Buttons and Pillows by Man Made Monsters

The exhibit will be followed at 9 PM by an evening starring two of my personal favorite stand up comics -- Feature: Hari Kondabolu and Headliner: Gabriel Rutledge. You may have seen Hari on Jimmy Kimmel Live or Comedy Central's Live at Gotham and Gabriel was the winner of the 2005 Seattle International Comedy Competition. 

Jenna Colby - Biography

http://www.soopajdelux.com/

soopajdelux.etsy.com

Jenna Colby is a self taught artist who has always been creative through different mediums, but decided to focus on painting three years ago. Originally from Ohio, Jenna has traveled and lived in both Pittsburgh and Philadelphia, but has called Seattle home since 1999. Growing up in a small town Colby was always fascinated with cities and has been influenced by her travels and the people she has met and observed. “I make it a point to take note and assign a story to the passer by, giving each moment in time purpose and creating color.” After developing and beginning to show her work, Jenna came into contact with the work of artists like Mark Ryden and Yoshimoto Nara. Thinking back, she says, “Their work really moved me. It made me nervous, giddy . . . I’m not sure if there is a word for it. But after experiencing that feeling, I decided that is what I want to do to others. I want to make other people feel that way.”

"Art Star Gallery. Philadelphia,PA"

Jenna Colby's work is clearly reminiscent of Mark Ryden and Yoshimoto Nara--anyway, that's what I thought as soon as I saw it--but is sweeter and more ethereal.

"Urban Craft Uprising. Seattle,WA"

“Bubbles popping and bare feet.” Ask Washington-state artist Jenna Colby to describe her work, and you don’t just get a string of adjectives; instead, you get a lovely little “word picture” that lets you know just how her art feels. Jenna seems to know a thing or two about states of mind. Even her exhibit title—It’s Not Real: Dream Diaries, Secret Messages, and Other Clues from Far Far Away—lets you know you’re in for something special when you view her work. Delicate, ethereal, sweet, Jenna’s paintings capture a curious personality in a brief moment of time ready to take you on an internal voyage. Her take on it is this: “A random passerby on a random day in a random moment has a story to tell, a history, a set of beliefs and intentions, all happening, all true and real, but unnoticed by most.” It is these moments that Jenna freezes in her colorful yet airy portraits of characters who are twiggy in form but bursting with emotion, sensation, and moodiness. That is her intent—to communicate the language of mood. “I make it a point to take note and assign stories to the passerby, giving each moment in time purpose and creating color within supersaturated environments even if the color exists only inside.” Now residing in Bremerton, Washington, Jenna once made Pittsburgh her home for a period of three years: “Pittsburgh woke me up and started me on my way. I have carried the lessons learned in that town with me and although I just lived there for a few years, I feel like I am from Pittsburgh.” And so she’d like to share her work with its residents with the help of Blue Ruin Gallery. Enter into the charmed world of Jenna Colby’s airy, emotional portraits.

"Blue Ruin Gallery. Pittsburgh, PA"

Balderdash Winner & New Contest

Last week I ran a contest for the funniest definition for the word Zazzera. Kayla from The Eclectic Element  made me laugh very hard with her answer: 

Zazzera: Noun,

1. A popular new wave of dance moves where you thrust your butt into the air and sidestep like the north american crab.

Warning: Best not used under the influence.

Ex. I walked into the club and when the music came on, I made like a crab and did the Zazzera.

Congratulations Kayla! You'll be getting a cool surprise package from me in the mail.

Now for a new contest. This is from the last game I played with a group of friends. I'll give you all of our answers for inspiration. Then, you leave your own answer as a comment to this post. The funniest one gets a surprise package of indie craft goodness from me.

This one is a movie called Wide Open Faces. I googled for images with the phrase "Wide Open Faces" and got the one above. Enjoy.: 

1. A big, mouthed soda jerk takes on gangsters at a vacation resort.

2. An unintentional comedy, Wide Open Faces, consists mainly of people yelling, "Spaces or Faces?" "Places or Faces?" and "What?". It went straight to dvd. 

3. A circus movie about deformed performers who travel the world. 

4. A documentary about the world of competitive eating.

5. The horror of dental malpractice is exposed.

6. A quack surgeon attempts to make a face wide enough to be carried on the wind.

Now it's your turn. Leave your comment on this post with the synopsis for the movie, "Wide Open Faces" and the funniest one will hear from me next Friday.

Now, remember to check out Shower Art - waterproof art you can hang in your shower with a suction cup - and bARTer Sauce - and experiment in trading for art and odd objects. You'll probably be glad you did. And if you're not .... well ... um ... who cares.

Happy Friday.

Balderdash Contest Winner

Holy Bazongas. 

I'm happy to report that we have a winner for the Balderdash contest. You were supposed to write the movie synopsis for the film "Ladies Who Do" and the funniest response was promised a mystery fun prize from yours truly.

Well, we DO have a winner. Oh my gosh do we have a winner. Heather's got it. She made me laugh out loud more than once which means she is hilarious because I'm a jaded stand up comic who rarely finds humor in anything.

You win Heather. You win. Congratulations!

Here's Heather's Synopsis: 

Ladies Who Do Fight Zombies. Suburbs, early Saturday morning, wake to find the world has turned upside-down by crazed undead who crave human brains. (Why is it always brains, not Big Macs or ice cream?) 

Following the plot of nearly every zombie movie, the women seek refuge in the local mall. (Could we find someplace with MORE doors and windows than a mall?) While the women are there they do the usual mall shopping scene. 

Next, they convert the mall shuttle bus into a pink zombie-proof transportation device. Armed with straws from the food court, they ward of the zombies by shooting eyeliner and lipliner pencils (sharpened to deadly points using the electric pencil sharpener in the mall business supply store.)

There are some close calls. One of the ladies accidentally inhales on the straw and hurts the back of her throat making her gag really bad. Some of the straws have small cracks in them ruining the perfect shot. And a batch of ammo eyeliners are actually eyeSHADOW sticks and won't fit into the straws.

Despite the odds, they make it to an unpopulated island where they are safe and have lots of great shoes.

Balderdash Makes Me Happy

Ah, Balderdash. My love. My Balderdash.

I really LOVE playing Balderdash. So much that I whenever I play a game, I bring home all the little slips of paper and blog our answers. And you get to play too. Just leave your answer as a comment on this blog and I'll pick the funniest one. Whoever is funniest gets a fun surprise in the mail from me. 

First things first -- the winner from my last Balderdash blog entry, Betsy -  who killed me with her synopsis of the movie, "Hello Down There":

The Story of forbidden love between a fuzzy Norwegian hat and the woman who wears it. Spoiler Alert: The hat dies in the end.

I don't know what it means -- but I know it's funny. And that's all that matters. So Betsy will be getting some cool farting tater tot greeting cards in the mail post haste. 

And now this week's contest: 

It's a MOVIE and the title is "Ladies Who Do." Our answers: 

1. A small town gets turned upside down when the local hair salon wins a hair styling contest.

2. Ladies clean up the entire world using only garbage bags and gum.

3. A documentary about women entering the work force during World War II.

4. A group of women start a do wop group in the 1920's and make it to #1 on the charts. 

5. A bunch of office cleaning women get rich when they find some hot stock tips in a garbage can.

6. The much more popular sequel to the first film, "Ladies who don't."

7. A small group of women in rural Georgia form an association to rebel against society's "A lady doesn't..." attitude in the 1950's. 

8. The sequel to "Ladies who don't" followed by the third installment "Ladies who don't do diddly squat."

Now it's your turn. Write a brief but hilarious movie synopsis of "Ladies Who Do" and leave it as a comment on this blog. I'll get in touch if you're the winner!

And if you don't want to play, just enjoy this new Shower Art: My Other Car is a Unicorn on Roller Skates. 

Baldy Balderdash

My favorite game of all time is Balderdash. The gist, if you don't already know, is that someone reads off a word, or a movie title, or a name, or date -- and you have to write a definition or a movie synopsis, or say why that person or date is famous. The challenge is that you want the other people at the table to think your answer is the correct one. My favorite way to play is with stand up comedians who don't care about anyone picking their answer as the correct one -- but instead just care how big of a laugh their answer gets. Doug and I went to The Hounshell's recently -- the home of Meghan Hounshell's parents (one of whom found us our very lovely condo that I am trapped in while recovering from foot surgery). Meghan used to live here and do stand up but she moved to LA to do some kind of tech support (lame) so now we only see her on her rare but normally Balderdash-filled visits. Here's Meghan up close: And here's Meghan on stage. I like to take home all the scraps of paper that we write our answers on and use them for blog contests. Here's how it works. I'll list out all the answers that we came up with for a certain item -- just to inspire you. Then, you write your own answer. The one I think is funniest gets a set of TaterBot Greeting Cards. Ready? OK! This one's a movie. You write the synopsis. Our answers: #1 An employee orientation film created by God, intended to replace the Bible. Unfortunately, it was only released on Betamax so only 19 people have seen it. #2 The story of a man who tragically fell down a well and was taunted by a pack of small children. #3 A giant says hello to everyone in town until he loses his voice. #4 Story of a family living in an underwater house for a month. #5 A single woman is terrorized by the resident who lives in the apartment above her. #6 A documentary about a man who was born with an inverted penis. Your turn. Leave your movie synopsis for "Hello Down There" as a comment and I'll contact you if I think you're hilarious enough to get some TaterBot cards.

Vintage Video Game Paintings

bARTer Sauce normally trades everything that comes through the inventory for something else. I made an exception once and just gave something away. For charity. Don't judge me. I make the damn rules people. I make the rules.  My friend & ex-roomie Val is involved with SketchFest and they had a fundraiser. I had lots of drinks at said fundraiser. 

At one point in the evening the auctioneer said he wanted to try something different. He told the audience that we could offer up services or things that we own to the other people at the fundraiser. If the thing got a bid of a certain amount -- then we kept going. There were all kinds of cool things -- like for example, I got grant writing help from Brett Fetzer for $75. Worth every penny. 

I offered up the receipient's choice of any bARTer Sauce item I have in inventory. 

Yes, it's true: I'm sure no one had any idea what I was talking about. 

Yes, it's true: I bid on way too many things. 

Yes, it's true: Val liked her paintings. Can't you just tell by the look on her face?

Val came to pick up her item at the last First Thursday Art Walk. She chose two paintings by Sean Leary that both have a kind of 80's video game theme. Awesome!

What's bARTer Sauce?

It's an experiment in trading for art and odd objects. Anyone can participate as long as you tell me a story. Check out everything that's currently up for trade.

bARTer Sauce 7 the Empire Carpet Man

Remember him? Empire Carpet?

588-2300 emPIRE!

I remember him from my college days in Peoria, IL (I know -- you feel for me. You should). Those commercials would always interrupt The Simpsons.

Now, bARTer Sauce is the proud temporary owner of TWO Empire man Bobblehead dolls. 

One is in pristine condition in the original box (not that that will ever matter under any circumstances) and the other has been ripped free of the original box that it was so carefully shipped in because I had to see what it looked like -- and quite frankly -- I wanted to play with it. Mind your own damn business.

Ever wonder about the history of Empire Carpet?

Me neither.

Curious how Empire Man made it into my hot, little hands? 

Read Sean's story.

Read Sean's answers to my "interview questions."

bARTer Sauce is an experiment in trading for art and odd objects. Everything I get -- I trade for something else. And everyone who trades with me has to tell me a story. I document all the trades and stories on my website: bartersauce.com.

Check it out.

Trade with me.

NOW.

What do you get when you put Urban Craft Uprising and Comedy Underground together?

The Art of Comedy that's what. Urban Craft Uprisingand the Comedy Underground are teaming up to bring you the Art of Comedy. When the Comedy Underground decided to open it's doors to local artists who use humor and beguiling sensibilities in their work, they called on Urban Craft Uprising, organizers of the largest indie craft show in the Pacific Northwest. Twelve of the funniest indie crafters and artists in the city will be showing off their talent in the Comedy Underground lobby located at 109 S. Washington St. (at Occidental), followed by a full night of comedians bringing the funny. Please join us during the First Thursday Art Walk for our first curated event, March 5th from 6:00 to 9:00 pm. At 9:00 the funny continues with headliner John Roy. John has appeared on Comedy Central's "Premium Blend" in the 2005-2006 season, and a November 2005 episode of CBS' "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson." John appeared in several episodes of NBC's "Last Comic Standing" where he advanced to the semifinals of the reality show/ competition. In January, 2008 John made his debut performance on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno." Tickets for the comedy show can be purchased in advance at http://www.ticketweb.com/snl/VenueListings.action?venueId=underground. Come for the Crafty, stay for the Comedy. http://www.urbancraftuprising.com/ http://www.comedyunderground.com/

bARTer Sauce -- Two-Face Jane

"Two-faced Jane" is the newest offer on bARTer Sauce. I think I'm in love with her giant, mutant button eye. There's just something about it. Maybe deep down I wish that I, myself, had a giant, mutant button eye instead of a regular eye. Perhaps that would make my cat cease and decist on the waking me up by sniffing my eyeball routine that has become so popular in the mornings these days. Rachel submitted "Two-faced Jane" as an offer for the "Brain Scan."

I'm pretty sure I'd be crazy not to take her up on it which is why I immediately accepted her trade offer. You will be able to submit your own trade offer for "Two-faced Jane" shortly. Check the website in mid-February and she'll be prominently displayed for all to bid on. Are you wondering what the hell I'm talking about? What the hell is bARTer Sauce? What the hell is a "Two-faced Jane" and why the hell are you giving someone a brain scan for it? Well -- first, I would ask you to watch your language in front of the children. But, if there are no children around - -please -- continue to tear it up.

And to answer your questions: bARTer Sauce is an experiment in trading for art and odd objects. Whatever I get, I trade for something else. And then I trade that thing for another thing. And it pretty much goes on forever. Everyone who trades with me has to tell me a story. I document it all on the bARTer Sauce website.

New bARTer Sauce Trade

Lookie what I just got for bARTer Sauce.

Yes, it's a flying Pee Wee Herman skeleton guy with a light-up crotch. How on earth did you get that on the first guess?

Amazing.

I traded it to Nik from http://www.scary-art.com. He got a fancy mask. Read about our trade.

Did I just hear you ask, "What's bARTer Sauce?" No? Oh.

Well, bARTer Sauce is an experiment in trading for art and odd objects. Whatever I get, I trade for something else -- and everyone I trade with has to tell me a story. I document it all on http://www.bartersauce.com.

Hang Art in Your Shower

with our help.... New Shower Arts: